The Dark I Know Well
by snarkysweetness
Summary: Frank Longbottom reflects on his childhood and his relationship with Alice. MA for mature themes and angst. Not for the faint of heart.


**Title: **The Dark I Know Well **  
Author: **LJ: SnarkySweetness; FF net: SchwartzyLogainne**  
Characters/Pairings: **Frank Longbottom and Alice Prewitt; Alice/Frank, mentions some Sirius/Frank. **  
Rating: **Mature **  
Warnings: **Adult themes/child abuse/angst. **  
When: **6th year. **  
Summary:** Frank reflects on his childhood trauma and his relationship with Alice. **  
Disclaimer: **Jo owns, unfortunately, but Alice and Frank's insanity is all in my little brain. I also do not own Spring Awakening or the song, "The Dark I Know Well", which I have borrowed lines from for this. (SA is awesome and you should all watch/listen to it)**  
Author's Note: **I think this is a really lovely character piece, so I do hope everyone enjoys.

_There's a part I can't tell  
About the dark I know well._

Frank watched Alice, lying in his arms as she slept, and moved a hand through her hair, glad that she was actually getting some rest, having fallen asleep while they were studying in the common room. She'd been so insane about studying lately, with all of their exams coming up, and he found the way that she obsessed over it rather amusing. He was also grateful that they hadn't been fighting lately, not since he'd told her all about his family life, and she'd begun to start to understand him and his mood swings.

Frank's mother was an overbearing bitch whom he hated most of the time, and his father was an abusive drunk, which only added to his hatred of his mother, who stayed with him and behaved as if nothing was wrong.

_You say, "Time for bed now, child,"  
Mom just smiles that smile-  
Just like she never saw me  
Just like she never saw me..._

Frank closed his eyes, trying to block out thoughts of his past. After a few, futile moments of trying and failing, he looked down at Alice, knowing that he needed to someday tell her the whole truth about his past, but he wasn't quite sure how she'd take said news. Frank played with her hair, staring out into space, thinking about old, painful memories.

_So, I leave, wantin' just to hide.  
Knowin' deep inside  
You are comin' to me.  
You are comin' to me..._

_You say all you want is just a kiss goodnight,  
And then you hold me and you whisper,  
"Child the Lord won't mind.  
It's just you and me.  
Child you're a beauty."_

_"God, it's good-lovin'-ain't it good tonight  
You ain't seen nothin' yet-gonna treat you right.  
It's just you and me.  
Child you're a beauty"_

Frank could remember lying in bed as a child, frightened out of his mind, not sure in what mood his father would be in when he stumbled home drunk. Most nights he would just beat him with a belt, which Frank was thankful for. He wished every night could be like that, but sometimes, beating him wasn't enough for his father, he needed something else.

He could remember when it first happened, he was only seven years old, and he knew it wasn't his fault, he was only a child, but he still blamed himself for not being strong enough to fight his father off or tell anyone about it until it had been going on for years. He would just lay there and take it, trying not to think about what his father was doing to him, thinking it was his fault anyway and he should just suck it up and take it like a man.

_I don't scream. Though I know it's wrong.  
I just play along.  
I lie there and breathe.  
Lie there and breathe..._

_I wanna be strong-  
I want the world to find out  
That you're dreamin' on me,  
Me and my "beauty"  
_

Frank was finally released from his own personal hell when his father had finally drunk himself to death two years ago. He knew it was wrong to feel relief, but to him, his father had it coming. Frank had spiraled into a deep depression, trying to deal with all the inner demons he now had because of the abuse he'd endured throughout his life. He hadn't ever told anyone what his father had done to him, except Sirius, who was the only person who understood him, knowing why Frank had been afraid to be with Alice for years and had turned to other men in order to try and deal with his issues, but nearly every time he ended up hating himself and feeling sick, all except once, and he knew Alice would leave him if she ever found out about Sirius, knowing he had to keep it quiet.

He glanced back down at her, deciding to continue to keep this to himself, not sure she could still love him if she knew the things his father had done to him, thinking she'd find him some sort of sick freak. He kissed her forehead lightly, blocking out thoughts of his family and trying to focus on all the good in his life, which was currently asleep against his chest and snoring lightly. Frank picked her up gently and carried her carefully to his room, laying her down before leaving the room, not allowing himself to be anywhere near her when she was vulnerable like that, he had a deep rooted fear of ending up like his father, and he refused to let that part of him taint what he had with Alice, even if it meant he couldn't let her fully in.

"One day I'll tell her," he whispered to himself, looking out at the grounds, and smiling to himself, knowing that his father couldn't hurt him anymore, and neither could his mother, not with him dead and Dumbledore protecting him. He took comfort in that fact and left the common room, going to find Sirius and James, thinking he could go for some mischief about now.


End file.
